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Hubspot Culture Code

What follows is a critical critique of the Hubspot Culture Code. This will be an analysis focused on logic. If you are looking for a warm fuzzy perspective on company culture, this isn't it.

A company we love

The very first slide starts with the subtext "Creating a company we love". This seems like a nice idea. Who wants to work for a company you don't love? Shouldn't all companies strive to make themselves into something their employees love? Well... no. A company should be constructed to work optimally and pursue the company goals as effectively as possible. Unless the goal of the company is "to make the employees happy" ( which is a fucking stupid goal ), then "creating a company we love" is arguably not the most important thing.

I think that companies only need to be adequately likeable by their employees to the degree that they are able to hire employees at a reasonable cost that deliver the value the company needs to best pursue its own goals. That is, the only reason a company has to make its employees happy is to keep them working hard at what the company wants them to do.

Shared beliefs, values, and practices

The next slide says that a company should have shared beliefs, values, and practices amongst its employees. Also nonsense. In the professional world of even a small company ( < 100 workers ) the likelyhood that even a majority of the employees share the same beliefs and values is extremely low. Diversity is important. That diversity includes having different beliefs and values.

I do agree that practices of employees can be standardized to some degree, but even doing that can stimy out of the box thinking.

Also, I don't think the belief system or values of the employees is any fucking business of a company. What employees believe is their own business. Their value system is their own as well. The only common belief and value you really need your employees to have is a good work ethic. You also need them to be willing to follow legal practices. I'd hope that you don't have to state "we don't do illegal things" as a company value.

The culture code is the OS that powers the company

Slide 3. What? Really? No also. The "culture" of your employees isn't what powers them. What powers them is dollars. If you didn't pay your employees they wouldn't be there. They are motivated by the value they get out of the company. That is agreeably more than just their pay. Being happy where they work is a type of value an employee gets out of the company, but it is just a small percentage of it.

You can assuredly lose employees by having a terrible culture, and you can also manage to retain more employees long term by having good culture, but you can have a successful company without being on either ends of that spectrum. Take a look at the Fortune 500. Are those companies there because they have the best culture? No... Most of the highest end companies tend to treat their employees like shit.

Why not create a culture we love

Because by focusing and obsessing on a specific culture you are excluding those who don't agree with your culture. Are you going to turn away new employees who don't seem to fit your defined culture? Tada. There you go. Culture is not a way to best take care of your employees. Culture is how you build a cult. I have no fucking interest in working for a cult. I want to work for a practical company that has simple goals and doesn't get entangled in politicial and social nonsense like "culture fit".

Too many companies are frozen in time

Slide 12. Yeah I couldn't have stated this better. Guess which companies are frozen? The ones who obsess about their culture instead of letting the culture simply be a conglomeration of the natural culture of their employees. By defining the culture and ordering your employees on what it should be you are fixing it and preventing natural change.

We are hubspot

Slide 13. Who. Fucking. Cares. Your company isn't and shouldn't be a cult. Quit with the arrogance and just acknowledge your company is another way for each of your employees to make a living.

We dare to be different

Slide 14. Um, no you don't. "We have an awesome culture come read all about it" is the same popular nonsense espoused by every company these days. Show me the company that says "culture fit is bullshit". That's the company daring to be different.

Part manifesto

Slide 15. Run for your lives while you still can. Avoid drinking the poisoned koolaid on your way out the door. Repeat after me: "Cults are bad".

Maniacs

Slide 16. Being a maniac or being maniacal about anything is not a good quality. Extremists are whackos. I'd like a nice moderate group of people with reasonable balanced ideas thanks. I've had it with the obsessed nutjobs who try to dictate how I should do my job.

Persuing mission and metrics is different

Slide 25. No. It is not different. That is literally what every damned company says these days. "Look at our awesome mission and values". "Look how we drive everything on numbers". These two things are code for "Do things our way and don't challenge the status quo or we'll show you the door" and "Even though we won't admit it really only money values so you'd better prove you are worth keeping while you continue drinking our koolaid."

We want to delight the customer

Slide 27. Unless your company is selling drugs or sex toys, I'd argue that "delighting" the customer shouldn't be the goal. The goal of a reasonable company is to be clear about the offering and meet the description of what the company provides. If you are a high end restaurant, delighting the customers with the highest end food is reasonable, but will come at a high cost. If you are selling tires, I'd argue all that matters is that the tires perform as expected and last the length of time they are stated to.

Bankrupt companies are no good

Slide 30. No shit. Stating the obvious doesn't make being an extremist cult the only way to avoid bankruptcy though. Agreeably being a cult is one way to stick around and make money. Brainwashing people is a long standing method shown to be effective throughout human history.

We have professional sales people

Slide 31. Ok? I'd hope so... adding a slide that says "We hire mediocre sales people" isn't exactly going to convince anyone to come work with you.

We share almost everything

Slide 35. Bull. Show me the salary ranges of every titled position in the company as well as the actual salaries of current workers in those roles. Otherwise fuck off and take back your claim.

We have the most active wiki on the planet

Slide 36. Wikipedia? Amazon? This is just a ridiculous claim.

We protect information only when legally required

Slide 37. Great. Hand off the salary information I mentioned. That isn't legally protected. Oh. Right. You lie. You even fucking claim "salary information is not ours to share". You are full of shit.

Power is gained by sharing knowledge

Slide 40. Great. Open source every bit of software that has ever been written at Hubspot. Otherwise... you can imagine at this point what I think liars should do.

No door policy

Slide 42. I like doors. I like having time to concentrate. Removing focus is not a great feature of a company.

No corner office

Slide 43. Unless your building is a torus with no center, there will be people with more windows than others. I don't think you work in a torus, so whatever. Another non-true slide. I sense a theme here. Nonsense to be cute.

Transparency != Democracy

Slide 45. Yeah, cults are generally run by a bunch of dictators that force their ideas on everyone. Not a surprise here.

We favor autonomy

Slide 47. Nice way to deflect from being responsible for having good management.

We don't penalize the many for the mistakes of a few

Slide 48. I'll repeat these again, hand over the salary info and open source all your code. Both of those are examples of penalizing everyone because there were situations where it was seen as bad once upon a time.

We don't have pages or policies and procedures

Slide 49. Who needs pages of policies when you have slide decks full of shit that are 128 slides long?

We use "good" judgement

Slide 50. Nice! Since you are a fucking cult that obsesses over values and making everyone agree on what the dictators at the top say they should be, you get to determine what "good" judgement is too. I'd rather have a company that focuses on practical judgement, not "good" judgement. Good/bad implies a value judgement tied to a belief system. If the company has a belief and value judgement system beyond dollars that they dictate on everyone, then it's a cult. Fuck cults.

We deflect

Slide 51. So basically instead of giving reasonable groundrules, you make everyone responsible for drinking the company koolaid then judge them on not fitting the culture if they are sick too much? Great... not.

Lets go through these example one by one.

1. Social media policy
How about what I post online socially is NONE of the companies fucking business. Is that good judgement? I'd bet hubspot would say my article here critiquing this slide deck isn't "good judgement". Surprise surprise. Cults don't want freedom. They want you to conform to their cult.

2. Travel policy
I'm a fan of companies only spending money to travel where it brings value and that value is justified. "good judgement" is way too vague. Just make a policy that lays it out so we don't have to guess.

3. Sick day policy
Just make the policy "whenever you are sick you can take off". Was that hard? Oh wait. You don't make that policy because you want to be able to cultishly demand even sick people work because you are obsessed with delighting the customers...

customer > team > individual

Slide 52. Fuck that. Personal beliefs > Family > Social responsibility > Friends > Work.

team > individual

Also no. The needs of the individual must be respected before the "functionality" of the team. I don't care if the team has an issue because a team member had a mental health breakdown. I care that the individuals on the team are taken care of always. Take care of the individuals in the team and the team will be healthy.

customer > company

Slide 54. Well... I did say social responsibility comes before work, so here is a point I actually agree with. Congrats. It only took 54 slides.

Results matter most

Slide 55. Also known as dollars to the company. I do believe I said that was what matters at the start. Seems like these slides are beginning to contradict themselves. I clearly recall that culture was what matters most and drives everything. -sigh-

Results matter more than hours worked

Slide 56. Yeah fucking right. I don't believe that the company follows this at all. The ONLY way this is true is if the company delivers work as things that need to be done for a time period ( say a month ) and then has ZERO restrictions on how they are accomplished timewise or who does the work besides the results being delivered.

I'm like 99.5% sure the company doesn't work this way.

If it did, I could come to work there, hire out and manage other employees to do my job, and that would be awesome... and realistically I just don't believe it.

Unlimited vacation

Slide 58. Uhuh. Sure. We've all heard that before. Only you fire the workers who don't "obsess about the customers" adequately. Eg: There is an unwritten rule that if you aren't working your ass off you don't fit the company culture and you'll get canned. There have been so many articles and discussion about how unlimited vacation is actually bad. I'm not even going to bother to explain why because I don't have to. I'll simply say: "Yeah. All the cults claim this"

Debates should be won with...

Slide 60. Oh god. Debates aren't about winning and losing. Well maybe they are, but debates aren't even what should be occuring. There should never be winners and losers. There should be calm and reasonable discussions where everyone works to have a balanced understanding and refine ideas as much as possible, WITHOUT making any losers.

Don't micromanage

Slide 61. Ok cool. Another slide I agree with. This is like the 3rd one, out of 61 so far?

Self motivated people

Slide 62. What are you saying here? You axe anyone who isn't self motivated? Makes sense... very culty thing to do.

thoughtful about who we hire

Slide 63. Yeah you have to determine if you can make them join your cult.

best perk is amazing people

Slide 64. Who you define as people who agree with your cult. -weak koolaid powered yay-

not a utopian workplace

Slide 65. Keen observation. Cults are a dystopia not a utopia. Props! You even came right out and said "not for everyone", clearly pointing at how you reject people who don't fit your culty views! Nice honesty there.

Hubspotty

Slide 66. -puke-

5 attributes we value

Slide 67. Wait wait. I know this one. Please tell me number 1 is "fits out cult".

Humble and respectful

Slide 68. Shit. I guess I'm out. I take pride in being an expert in my field. I don't give a flying fuck who gets offended by the truth. I don't respect fools or those who are fucking up the world for everyone else. Ah well. I didn't want to join a damned cult anyway.

Don't be arrogant

Slide 69. Alright another slide I agree with. That's 4 so far I think?

Empathetic

Slide 72. Slide 5 I agree with. You are scaring me. The cult has 5/72 slides I agree with.

Open and honest

Slide 76. Ah. Much better. Another slide I disagree with. Being open is only good once you have established trust. Too much openness or honesty too fast destroys relationships. Being "complete open and honest" is what leads to writing an article like I'm writing now. Are you telling me you are a fan of this article damning the vast majority of your slides? Hmm. I doubt it.

Share knowledge generously

Slide 77. I'm working on it. This critique of your ridiculous culty slides is my attempt. I don't think I'll succeed in this, but it is at least entertaining me for the time it is taking to write all of this. Honestly I only am writing this article because it is fun.

Just effing do it

Slide 81. Hmm. I think using a euphamism for "fucking" earns you a contradictory point to some of your other statements. I'd argue that cursing or making people think of cursing words related to agressive sex doesn't seem to fit with your other values. Hey... most cults typically have some kinky shit going on. I'll take this as an admission that you are a true cult.

... is wrong

Slide 82. There is is again. Value judgements instead of nice cold hard logic. This is the problem with cults. They try to dictate personal values and beliefs to me.

A team not a family. We cut smartly

Slide 83. Yes, we get it. Families stick together. Cults are happy to oust members who don't go along with the cult. Also, "stars in every position"? Really? -gag-

No asses rule

Slide 84. I have 2 fingers in response to this. I have a "no culty cheesy dipshits" policy myself.

Don't delegate

Slide 85. Yeah, management is just a waste of time. Who needs that? lulz.

Culture not set in stone

Slide 86. You already said how its not a democracy and there are no votes. It's clear it is a cult with the leaders dictating ( you apologized for having to control things earlier ). I'll take this slide as meaning you change the culty demands as your whims see fit.

We further the culture

Slide 87. I can only read this as making the cult more extreme and less balanced.

With great people comes great responsibility

Slide 88. Lay off the pop culture and spiderman.

How to progress: magic or speculator

Slide 89. Yeah you already made it clear you fire anyone who doesn't work their ass off obsessing over the customer. Glad to know you are further clarifying that a worker simply doing their job as is reasonable and delivering at a reasonable rate is not acceptable. The ONLY way to get ahead at Hubspot is performing magic or being SPECTACULOR. Fuck that. I'd rather be somewhere that respects me for simply working in a reasonable and balanced fashion that continues to bring the company success.

Also, companies need workers who are simply acceptable. If you only hire rockstars you are just making the culture of the company stressful. I'd rather be somewhere I can be calm and not feel forced to be an obsessive maniac in a cult.

Intense commitment

Slide 94. Work life balance is out. Got it. Cultists only.

Private talks at hubspot

Slide 95. Cool. Another contradiction. I recall a bit about sharing knowledge. I knew cults don't share, but nice to see you admit it here.

Unlimited "free" books

Slide 97. Hmm; I'm guessing the list of books is shared to your manager and HR under the openness policy, so that you can figure out by way of book choices who doesn't fit your cult.

Unlimited "free" meals

Slide 98. And there it is. The required things to appeal to the human sense to keep people in the cult. Food. lulz.

big challenges

Slide 99. I kind of think I prefer reasonably sized challenges.

Amazing people don't like average goals

Slide 100. Another common cult idea. Only the "best and most amazing" people get to join! -gag-

The mean is failure

Slide 103. I'm imagining the slide that says people with 100 IQ are stupid now.

Remarkable products

Slide 104. Here I thought the crucial thing was that company income exceeds company expenses. Oh right. The goal isn't to have a profitable company. It is to run a fucking cult.

We want diversity but don't have it yet

Slide 108. Dump the culty bullshit and accept people with differing values and beliefs instead of only those that fit in with your cult, and maybe you'll get the diversity you claim to want.

Think simple

Slide 109. The entrance paper I wrote to college was on the quote "Everything must be as simple as possible but not simplier." This is nothing more than pop psychology nonsense. Complex things are complex. Making things bite sized doesn't solve complex problems. "think simple" is just mental trickery. It's not real.

Less features

Slide 110. I get it. The ability to produce complex systems that are flexible and have useful customizations has gone to the wayside. Instead we are stuck with cult companies producing simplified interfaces that look pretty. :(

Comlexity creeps in

Slide 111. Complexity is not a monster. It is the norm for things that do complex things. Complex things are useful.

Complexity is due to shortcuts

Slide 113. No... confuddled code is due to poor planning and not acknowledging that comlexity is required. Denying that complexity is needed doesn't make it go away.

You must take complexity out

Slide 114. Idiot.

Software and orgs should be frequently refactored

Slide 115. Please stay away from any software I deal with.

Remove unnecessary rules

Slide 116. Sweet. Lets cancel the whole "you need to fit our culture" bullshit.

Easy to love

Slide 117. I don't love cults. I hate them. Next.

Life is short, take care of yourself

Slide 121. Congrats. You've stumbled upon my reason for avoiding cults.

We encourage criticism

Slide 122. I fucking dare Hubspot to respond logically to what I've said here.

Always take the high road

Slide 123. I disagree. I'd rather support and be among the common folk. This is the reason I refused to go to an ivy league college ( despite getting accepted when I applied ). I decided I don't want to be around people who think they are better than everyone else and on the "high road". I don't like the cult mentality. I want to help all of society, not just those who choose to agree on my views and beliefs.

Peace and prosperity for all mankind cannot be accomplished by rejecting everyone who disagrees. We have to cooperate and support everyone, even those who are opposed to our core beliefs. We are in this together. Stop saying your methods and views are better and the only way. Start embracing diversity and seeing that saying "this is the way" is really just saying "you are wrong" to those who don't buy into it.